Sugar, Chakra, and Everything Halloween
by Hihothedairyo
Summary: It's Halloween time in Konoha! Neji and Hinata are out trick or treating with Sakura and Ino tagging along, and all except Neji are having fun. But wait! A certain villain just might spoil it and steal all the candy, including the special edition Gushers.
1. Meet The Girls

**Author's Note: _Ha, soooo stupid. I love it. I actually was dressed up the same way Hinata was for Halloween one year. But of course it wasn't made out of leather. And yes, in my world of Naruto they have Powerpuff Girls. Co-written by Julia! Also, happy birthday, Julia! Sakura bashing, but simply for comedic value. Fifty-thousand e-cookies for the person who catches the Foamy the Squirrel and the Spongebob line! And I don't think I spelled Hyuuga right. Oh, well. _**

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Hyuuga Neji leaned against the door, a scowl on his face and his foot tapping. Hinata was just being absolutely ridiculous right now, and it was really starting to piss him off. They had spent all day three weeks ago shopping for Halloween costumes; all day! She had loved her costume, had showed it off to the entire clan. So what the hell was wrong with it now!? It's not like it changed any!

He had the urge to run his hand through his hair like he always did when frustrated, but currently that was impossible; at the moment his hair was tucked under a short black wig that was smoothed down and stuck forwards a bit. God, he hated this costume. It seemed to love annoying him. His white leather lab coat was starting to rub his skin raw, even though he had a white dress shirt--along with tie--under it. Not to mention the black leather pants were really, really itchy. And the tobacco pipe in his mouth was doing a good job of banging against his sensitive teeth.

He waited patiently, very patiently for his cousin to get over her stupid insecurities so they could hurry up before Naruto got to every house and drained it of it's candy supply.

"Hinata, you look fine. You looked fine three weeks ago, and you look no different now." A sniffle was heard on the other side of the door.

"Neji-kun, I look stupid." A soft voice said sadly. He rolled his eyes and clanked the pipe against his teeth. "You do not. And besides, it's too late to go and get another costume. So just come on out and we'll go." More words about how stupid the outfit was came from the other side of the door; Neji looked at the watch on his wrist. "Hinata, if we don't leave now then Naruto will get all the special edition Pokémon Gushers, and I know that Tsunade has the ones with James on the cover."

A hand flew hard into the sliding door and there was loud squeal. "Are you lying, Neji-kun? J-James is so hot-cha-cha-cha-cha! What I would give to just tie that man down and rape him!" ...Okay, so he did _not _need to hear that. "And tickle him, because he seems so ticklish---" It sounded very odd coming from such a shy, soft spoken person. "And ooh, that hair is gorgeous. And that voice! Mmm. I had a dream that he was saying 'let's blast off again with love, Hi-na-ta', and then I raped him."

"Alright, that's enough!" He snapped. "Instead of talking about him, why don't we go get those Gushers and you can, I don't know, kiss the package." The door was thrown open and Hinata squealed again. "I could pretend that the Gushers are his heart breaking for me! Eeeee!"

He gave an awkward smile, a bit disturbed. "Aw, Hinata," He looked her over and held back the urge to bend over and slap his knee in a laughing fit. "You look fine." If fine was the equivalent of hilarious.

Hilarious thing number one: her hair. Her bangs were gelled down against her forehead with a gap in the middle, and her ear length hair was gelled to go out and curve upwards.

Hilarious thing number two: the glasses. The large plastic glasses looked like big green eyes, and they made the holes in the middle too large, so with her lavender eyes it looked like the pupil was ten times larger than it was supposed to be.

Hilarious thing number three: the rest of the outfit. The dress, green leather with a large black stripe in the middle, didn't fit her right at all. It was made with padding on the inside, so that it didn't show off any curves. The gloves were an off-white color that slid on to make her look fingerless. And the white stockings were fine, but the big, black buckle shoes looked like clown shoes

"You're perfect. That costume was worth every penny." He lied through his teeth. She grabbed the plastic treat treat buckets, hers Hello Kitty and his a jack-o-lantern, and took his hand. "Ready to go, Professor?" She asked. He still restrained a laughing fit. "Sure, Buttercup."

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"Trick or treat, you liar and cheat! Give me candy or I'll kick you in the seat!" Mrs. Haruno gave a nervous laugh and patted Hinata's gelled head. "My, aren't these little rhymes...precious." Hinata nodded and blushed. "It was in this book of Halloween rhymes I bought the other day." Mrs. Haruno nodded and took a fistful of candy.

"Aw, you two look so cute. I can't wait to see to the look on Sakura's face when she sees you." Neji's heart stopped. Oh, goddamn, no. No! He was not about to spend this entire night hanging around the Uchiha-obsessed Sakura. Nuh-uh. Not going to happen. "Just let me give you your candy and then I'll call her down." A handful of candy dropped into his bag, but he was too busy to see the goods. _Please, please let her have an allergic reaction to her costume._

He felt a migraine coming on. "Thank you, Mrs. Haruno." Hinata said while digging through the candy. "No, problem dears. Now, please wait just a minute." She shut the door, and they heard a loud 'Sakura!'.

Neji rubbed his temples, sighing. Of all the--did Hinata invite her along with them? Oh, she was so going to get her James Gushers stolen. "Hinata, why is she coming along?" He asked. She looked at him behind those stupid plastic eyeglasses. "She said that she wanted Sasuke to see how great her costume was compared to everyone else's, and he would only notice if she was beside me." She smiled, and he thought her too innocent. The pipe hit against an extra sensitive tooth.

"Sakura, right now or I'm going up there and beating you until you can no longer stand! See how much candy you get then!"_ Ground her, ground her, ground her... _"Alright! Let me just fix these stockings! They're riding up and giving me a serious wedgie! Seriously, why did they say to wear no underwear?"

He rolled his eyes. They stood outside for a few minutes, Hinata attempting to unwrap a sucker, before Sakura opened the door. She was smiling and fixing to say something before she got a look at Hinata. Her smile quickly fell.

"Oh, son of a bitch!" She shouted and stomped her big, black buckle shoes. She threw her plastic witch treat bucket down and crossed her arms. "I knew I should have gone as Ms. Bellum." She threw the door open and Hinata pressed against Neji's side. "Mother, you said no one else would be a Powerpuff Girl!" They heard Mrs. Haruno growl. "You go trick-or-treat for the next five hours and let me get my alone time or so help me---" Sakura quickly shut the door and picked up her treat bucket.

Neji wanted to laugh at her, not for looking stupid, but for her plan of upstaging his cousin backfiring. Sakura was dressed the same way Hinata was, except instead of green being the signature color, hers was red. Her pink hair was also under a long red wig, with a large bow nearly at the top of her head keeping the wig in a high ponytail. And it didn't look any less ridiculous than Hinata's.

Suddenly, Neji realized something. If Sakura's costume said to wear no underwear, then Hinata's must have----crap, nose bleed. He tilted his head back and tried to violently sniff back the blood. "Neji-kun, are you alright?" He sniffed with violence a few more times before he was sure that there was no threat. "Yeah, I got the breath knocked out of me." "By what?" He gulped and blurted out the worst excuse he had ever given. "By, er, how beautiful you two look."

Hinata blushed and Sakura put her hands on her hip. "Well, I do look sexy, you know, in all modesty." She took Hinata's hand and Hinata took his. "Ready to go, Professor, Blossom?" She smiled at the two of them. "Ready to go! Are you ready to go, Buttercup, Professor?" He scowled. "Don't even think I'm responding."

So off they went to Ino's house, which Neji didn't realize until Sakura said something about Ino-pig hopefully having an ugly costume. "Hinata, why is Ino also going along with us?" She smiled. "I invited her. She said that Chouji always stole all of her candy." Why not invite the whole fucking village next time, he wanted to shout at her. He just decided on biting his tongue and hiding his annoyance.

Hinata was almost pulling the two along, talking about how Neji and her had a curfew and they wanted to go to all the houses, which was a big fat lie, but Neji didn't call her on it. He knew she just wanted to get her James Gushers before everyone else did. Besides, he was all for rushing if it meant that the time spent with Sakura would come to an end.

"Do you think Sasuke likes red? I know he likes pink, because duh, but red is a darker pink. Wait! He likes dark, and since he likes pink and red is the darker pink, oh, he loves red!" _Is it possible to suffocate yourself by just holding your breath? I'm sure it is. Wait, no, because it would be an involuntary action to open your mouth and suck in air. But then again, I have strong will power, and would refrain from opening my mouth. But surely they would notice and would try to save me, but..._

When they reached their destination, they saw a big crowd of children standing in front of the door ...chanting? They stopped, Hinata afraid for her life, Sakura afraid for her costume and chances with Sasuke, and Neji just stopping for the sake of it. "Bubbles! Bubbles! Bubbles! Bubbles!" Yeah, they were chanting. The door was closed, and all the curtains were shut, and they could hear the cry of 'go away! Bubbles isn't real!'.

Hinata gulped, gripped Sakura and Neji's hands tighter, and walked forward. "I'm doing this for you, James!" She whispered heatedly. They walked closer until they were right behind the group of chanting children. They slowly turned around to face them and stopped chanting.

Sakura walked in front of Hinata and Neji and raised a fist. "And just what do you think you're doing terrorizing this house?" She asked with a strong, deep voice. The children didn't even flinch. "We're waiting for your sister, Blossom. And we're not leaving until she comes out and hugs everyone of us, along with giving out two handfuls of candy, 'cause Bubbles is nice and will give us two handfuls." The leader, dressed in a Fuzzy Lumpkins suit, said.

"Then you should be polite like everyone else and knock, say 'please' and 'thank you', and be grateful for whatever amount of candy Bubbles gives you." The children didn't like that too much. "What did you say?" The children all raised their treat buckets, and Sakura paled at the sight of spikes on the bottom of all of them. "Uh, where the hell did you get those things? I know it wasn't any party store."

The leader chuckled and pointed the spike towards her. "On the mark," Hinata cried and clung to Neji. "get set," Sakura started whining about how unfair it was that she would die without having a date with her beloved Sasuke. "go." They all went to move, but the door was flung open and a hand was raised high. "Stop it right now or else Bubbles is telling all your parents!"

They all grew wide-eyed and slowly turned around. In the doorway, a large bowl of goody-bags in hand, stood Ino, in the exact same costume as Hinata and Sakura, but her signature color was blue, and her blond hair was pulled into high, small pigtails. Sakura whispered a 'dammit!'.

"Listen up, all of you. I will hug you and give you one goody-bag. If you complain or refuse to leave, then I'm calling your parents. Understood?" They all nodded, though not really listening, as they were star-struck. "I swear, I walk past a window and suddenly all hell breaks loose." She rolled her eyes and kneeled down so that she was level with the children. "Come on."

The children all filed in a straight line, and one by one they hugged her tightly before receiving a goody-bag. Sakura glared at Ino for also wearing a costume like hers, but quickly stopped after one of the children kicked her in the shin. "You no glare at Bubbles! Sisters are supposed to love each other." The little Raggedy Anne said. Neji smirked.

When all the children were gone and Ino was ready to go with her teddy bear shoulder treat bag, Hinata was closing to crying with anticipation. Her James Gushers were so close! "Neji, when do we go to Tsunade's house?" She asked."Last! We have to go last! Every trick or treater at her house always ends up doing some type of chore for her, so we definitely have to go there last." Ino said. Hinata's hair drooped.

Sakura, Ino, and Hinata formed a circle, and Neji knew they were doing something stupid, so he stood off to the side. "Sugar!" Ino shouted. "S-s-spi-ce! Ew, I think I just swallowed a bug." Hinata said. "And everything nice!" Neji rolled his eyes at Sakura's line. Unfortunately for him, she caught it. Dammit, that pipe just banged against his teeth.

"And what's _that _look for, Neji? Huh?" He sighed. "You and Hinata should switch lines." "Are you saying I'm not nice, you fat bastard!?" Hinata was sick getting sick of all this. She wanted to get to Tsunade's house now; seriously, right now.

"Are you ready to go, Professor, Bubbles, Blossom?" She asked. "Ready to go! Are you ready, Buttercup, Blossom, Professor?" Ino said. "Ready! Are you ready, bastard Professor, Buttercup, Bubbles?" Sakura said.

Three sets of eyes fell on Neji and he growled out a reply. "If you do that one more time I'm going to cut off your heads and make them my treat buckets." They all nodded quickly. Hinata took Neji and Sakura's hand, and Sakura took Ino's. And off went The Powerpuff Girls _plus Professor._

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**Author's Note_: While it should be a one-shot, I really wanted to post it. And I plan on making it over ten-thousand words, and I would have lost motivation to write it if I didn't post it. So, instead of a one-shot it will only be like three or so chapters. And prepare for more situations like that, and of course run ins with Mojo Jojo. And did you find the Foamy and Spongebob lines?_**


	2. House 1, the Filler

**Author's Note: _I'm really sorry for taking a year just to update this. It's just, man, I haven't felt the funny for this. It has such potential, yet I'm making it seriously unfunny and lame. I'll try my best, but from now on if you read this just don't look forward to the updates, or for quality. _**

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The village of Konoha, currently in its ritual celebration of Halloween, IS UNDER ATTACK!

"Myoo-ho-ho!" An evil pre-teen boy shouted as he and his current partner in crime (together making a crack pairing) fled from the scene.

"Since when was a cow sound an evil laugh?" "What. Do. You mean, coooorrr. eect .ing me!" The partner slapped a gloved hand to his face. The ones who made him do this were going to get an earful once this night was over. Sticking him with an ADHD child on a night where sugar-filled candies were given out in the handful! Of all the stupidest things!

"That whole," Here his voice became feminine and squeak. "'I am Mojo JoJo, per. iod. in. my. wor. ds.' deal is just adorable when we're at a door asking for candy." His growled as he had to pull up his gloves for the thousandth time. "But I'm about to knock your block off--" He paused as the sad puppy dog eyes, blood-shot to match the character, looked at his own contact ones.

"You're mad at me, Kakashi?"

...

"You even showed me your face, just to make me happy."

A sigh came from the man, and he gave the boy a two finger brain-hat-pat. "I'm not mad. Now, where should we strike next? The Hokage's house, yeah?" "Naaah!" WHY!?

"Then where?" He growled it out, not that his irritation was caught on to or anything. A hand covered in a white glove raised to rub his large, tube brain hat. "Hm, I say Anko! Last year she only gave me one popcorn ball when I saw her give two to Kiba!"

And off they went, heading toward the uncaring Anko. "Hey, you know what, Kakashi?" "..." "You look familiar!"

"Fancy that."

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"Trick or treat, your sin is meat! Candy's better than those cows you eat!"

"Who the hell said I even eat meat!?"

Hinata backed closer to Neji, away from the scary Anko and her spiked treat bowl. "You talk to that vegan next door!?" She threw her door open wide, ripped a kunai from her treat bowl, pushed the poor kids away from the porch.

"HEY! Listen here, Urei! If you throw one more road kill carcass onto my porch or corner one more visitor of mine, I'm going to kill your dog!" The neighbor stormed outside, candy bowl filled with pamphlets. "I've seen your grocery list! How many animals did you have to kill to please your date yesterday!? How many fish types did you murder just to have your tuna fix!?" "And just how far up your ass do you want that big head of yours!?"

The neighbor slammed the door closed, and Anko smiled down at her trick-or-treaters. "So, whose idea was the bondage outfits?" Big, young eyes stared up at her, except for Neji, he had internet access. "Whatever. Listen, we have a lot more houses to go to, and I'd like to end this stupid night." "Whatever you say, Leatherette." "I swear to God."

Anko laughed and started to toss candy into their treat bags. "Since this is a village for ninjas, I figured I'd spruce up your treats--" "OW!"

Sakura ripped her hand out of her treat bowl, screaming as blood spurted (randomly, to boot) from around the mini-kunai logged in her index finger. "This village is doomed, seriously."

Just then loud laughter came from nearby; loud, cackling laughter of evil! Anko's eyebrow twitched.

"UREI, SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN!" "MEAT IS MURDER!" "Heeeey, I'm over here!"

They all looked away from Sakura and to the newcomers, a ...whoa...

There, before them, stood Naruto and some weird guy (girl, Hinata's innocent told her). Naruto, positioned to stand powerfully and with his shoulders back, was decked out full Mojo JoJo gear, lights from the vegan neighbor's house making his brain-hat-amajiga gleam.

The weird guy, well. He was Sedusa. Full out Sedusa. Wearing the entire outfit, from the red leotard and striped leggings, to the thigh-high boots, hand gloves, and wild, curly hair that he used chakra to make whip about.

"Who are you, S&M night at a goth bar?" Anko snorted and ripped open a packet of mini-poison needles, which she proceeded to dump in the treat bowl. The weird guy scoffed and whipped his hair more, which accidentally hit Naruto into the face, causing him to cry.

Sighing, Weird Guy bent down and cuddled the brain-hat-covered-blonde, kissing the boo boo.

Sakura, who was _pissed_, ripped the kunai from her finger, growling as she tossed it somewhere. "HEY! It's all right, maaan, don't get me a freakin' band-aid or anything!" Neji looked Anko in the eye. "Do those needles sedate?" "And how!" "Lay 'em on me."

Naruto popped back up, looked at Sakura's bloody finger, and his eyes filled up with tears, which made him lose his contacts. "SAKURA-CHAN!" He ran forward, grabbing her finger and laying a small kiss on it. "There! All better!" He smiled, and a spurt of blood spurted from the spurter of a wound that spurted.

Since kisses didn't work, making Sasuke a big liar who lied, he reached into his giant frog treat bag and pulled out band-aid.

After doing so, he turned to Anko and snatched her treat bowl. "See you next year, Anko!" He stomped his foot, and a large cloud of smoke blew up, which Weird Guy ran into, shooting them a glare.

Before the smoke cleared, though, a loud, pre-teen booming voice sounded. "Hinata-chan, you better watch out! 'Cause I'll get to the old hag's house first, and I'll get all her candy!" Hinata's eyes widened, almost busting out of the little goggle things.

"N-n-no..."

"Hey, I think she has those James gushers too! Oh, James is so awesome!"

"Stop ... no more, Naruto-kun."

She squeezed her heart, looking deep into the smoke.

"I think I'll take all the gushers; believe it, Kakashi!"

She dropped onto her knees, head thrown back. "FOOOORRRRRSAAKKKKKKEEEEEEENN!"

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**Author's Note:_ ...Go away, I don't know. I found this really funny, and then later I found this useless and stupid. -sigh- I need to think about alcoholism._**


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